The SPARCS@ Assessment is Here
It is here…the assessment I have been working on for over 5 years. The SPARCS© Assessment for couples. It feels a little like birthing a baby into the world. There was pain, care and celebration in this work.
If you are a couple who has been together 5 months or 5 years or 30 years…the assessment is an avenue for you to find out what your strengths are as a couple. And where might be areas that need your attention or improvement. Once you take the assessment, you then are offered a framework to navigate your strengths and your weaknesses, with tools to use in each of the 6 areas assessed.
What is SPARCS©?
Safety
Play and Pleasure
Attunement and attachment styles
Realized Dreams
Communication Suite of Skills
Sex and Intimacy
All 6 of these areas are valuable for couples to explore. I provide an overview of the framework in this episode of Ignite Your Life Podcast, Season #4, Episode 56
The shortened version of the assessment takes 5-7 minutes to complete. This is the FREE version I am releasing to couples now. The longer version is something that can be accessed by those that work with me. From 32 questions in the shortened version to over 100 questions for couples that really want to dive in deeper and learn the nuances of each of the areas and how they impact harmony, connection and intimacy.
Once you take the assessment, you will get a series of emails guiding you through each of the 6 key elements for relationship health and wellness. In each of the areas, there are various levels of wellness, beginning or developing the skills needed, advancing skills and what I like to call master level couples.
An example:
Communication Suite of Skills
Beginning level couples might include listening skills and developing an empathetic response to your partner.
Advancing skills might also add on validation, which is telling your partner they have the right to their feelings and their perspectives, even if it means you don’t agree with them.
Master level couples are able to do all of the above and add curiosity to each of their interactions. They are able to manage conflict, take responsible time outs with one another and repair when needed.
In each of the areas, you and your partner may be at the beginning level in one area, like communication, but advanced or mastery in another area like safety and attunement.
Here’s the thing, life is a journey. Relationships can heal us or rewound us. When our relationships heal us, we are more able to go out in the world and do our life’s purpose. Relationships can provide an important foundation for our own health and wellness. What is interesting to me is that relationship stress is one of the most common things that bring an individual into my psychotherapy practice, yet is often not covered by insurances as a billable, clinical service for couples. So, couples are left paying large, out of pocket amounts to maintain their relationships.
What is also interesting to me is the large quantity of couples who do not work on their relationships or acknowledge that relationships take work. And, what I like to suggest is this:
Let’s say your boss came to you with a project assignment on something you knew nothing about. Your job depended on your productivity with this project. I am pretty certain that you would do whatever it took to learn how to manage this project…trainings, classes, support, reading, listening to podcasts, traveling to wherever to learn how to keep your job.
What if that same mindset pertained to your relationship? It does for many couples around topics like money management…take a class. Parenting woes…read a book. Buying a house…work with an expert. Preparing healthy meals…google it, watch a video. Yet, our relationships don’t garner the same commitment for many couples. I hear things like:
Relationships shouldn’t be this hard.
If he or she loved me, this would be easier.
I don’t want to work on this until I see him or her do xyz first.
If we used that same logic for our employment, we would no longer be employed. What if instead we had these mindset shifts:
My relationship is the number one priority here, I need to show my partner that.
Relationships are hard and take work, I am willing to learn and to grow.
Dedicated time, money and energy are important for my relationship to be healthy and successful.
Relationships go through ebbs and flows and I am willing to do what it takes to come back into harmony with my partner.
Why am i passionate about relationships?
My passion for relationships, love and healing started at a really young age. I watched my parent’s marriage self-destruct at a really young age. Issues with communication, conflict, yelling were common. Issues with trust, fidelity and commitment became their downfall. My mom left when I was under 7 the first time. Then moved back in. Then my dad left some time later. They would get back together, then fall apart. They eventually divorced and split custody with me and my sister and brother. For me, there was relief in their eventual break up, it meant an end to the fighting. Can any of you relate to this in your own childhood or current relationship state? Relationship ambivalence, should I stay or should I leave, is the hardest thing to go through in life.
It wasn’t until my mom met the man who would be my step-dad, that I had any semblance of normal, predictable relationship behavior. A sense of family. A sense of safety and calm. A sense of what relationship commitment might look like.
What I experienced at a very young age was integral to my own path and passion to find love, to learn how to communicate and to learn what healthy relationships even felt like. I definitely know and understand what unhealthy feels like, but to have the sense of healthy relationship skills have not really come to me until well into my 40s and 50s.
You can know the desired destination, but the journey to get there can be unknown right now.
You can know the why…I want my relationship to be healthy so I can be healthy.
But, the how and the what can be where you lean in for support. An expert with lived experiences of what healthy and unhealthy relationship dynamics can look like. What might the path to health look like for you?
Take some time with your partner to take the SPARCS© Assessment
Be guided through the results for you and your partner
Set up a time to go over the results with me
Make a plan and a decision to get the support that feels right for you.
xoxo,
Christie Bemis is a seasoned psychotherapist, sex educator, relationship coach, and author with over 20 years of experience helping individuals and couples unlock deeper connections and embrace their true potential. Known for her direct yet compassionate approach, Christie blends a vast knowledge base with a relatable style, making her a trusted expert in mental health, intimacy, and personal empowerment.
As a sought-after speaker and podcast guest, Christie shares her insights on topics ranging from relationships and sexual health to self-empowerment. She also hosts the Ignite Your Life with Christie Bemis podcast, where she connects with listeners across multiple platforms.
Christie is trained in the Somatica® Method for building intimacy and relationships and is a certified Level 1 provider of John Gottman's relationship work. Additionally, she is a Certified Sex Therapy Informed Practitioner and is currently advancing her training with Terry Real in Relational Life Therapy to become a certified practitioner.
In 2010, Christie founded Hot Pink YOUniversity to empower women to live lives filled with passion, purpose, and play. She continues to operate under this brand, offering transformative experiences for women. In 2018, she launched Bemis Psychotherapy and Consulting, where she works with women, men, and couples in all relationship configurations to reignite their passions and create more fulfilling lives. In addition, Christie is the Director of Professional Education and Outreach for Back to the Body: Sensuous Retreats for Women. Through this work, she focuses on expanding people’s understanding of sexological bodywork as a source for healing, expanding one’s understanding of their arousal and
You can explore her coaching services, book, wisdom cards, and other offerings at www.christiebemis.com.